Changes

I have never liked change; in fact I’ll say I hate it. Whether the change is for the good or bad it still strikes fear in my heart. Similar to my husbands fear when I rescue a spider before he can squish it with his most menacing boot.

In the last week and a half there have been so many changes in my life. We moved out of our home of 7 years, we moved out of the 5 mile radius I had lived in my whole life, we moved from the woods and into the farmland, we went from a tiny bedroom to a gorgeous master bedroom with a fireplace, walk in closet, and gorgeous view, we have a TV in our bedroom for the first time, we suddenly have two barn cats, we have an electric stove instead of gas, fall season is in full swing, and I now have a water heater that lasts about 30 minutes instead of 30 hours.

Our old house, so many wonderful memories 

Our new house, so many possibilities  

Wow… what a list! Some of these changes have been awesome and some… the hardest adjustment I have ever had to make. Namely the shower. My beloved shower. If you have ever read my blog you know about my obsession with my shower. Most days I spend more time in there than any other room. I cling to it for relief of any pain, physical or emotional.

I thought I would be okay without it for a while until we could get some thing figured out at the new house. I also used to think I would be on America’s Next Top Model… at 5’3 and a weight that shall not be disclosed I think we’ve proved I’m a dreamer.

The first morning I woke up at our new house the familiar pain was present as usual but my in-laws were do any minute to help move the final load so I threw on clothes and ignored it. The day was very busy with the move and chasing a 1 year old all over the new place that he was determined to explore. All day the pressure increased and as thirsty as I was I didn’t drink a drop. Finally our beloved moving crew was gone and I headed to my new haven. As I released almost 24 hours of urine the pain exploded. I got into the bright red bathtub/ shower combo and sighed as the hot water eased the pain. Just when I was starting to be able to breathe again I noticed the water was not as hot and within minutes it was freezing. I stayed in there until my breast milk was almost frozen; the water had gone from perfectly hot to glacier before I knew it. The hot water had lasted a total of 25 minutes.

Each day that went by the pain grew worse. I was taking narcotics every day and wasn’t able to function until late afternoon each day. My bladder was never empty; it ached and burned 100% of the time. I was constantly waiting for the water to get hot again and, in the mean time, trying to come up with new things to cope. I tried taking quick but scorching hot showers but turns out I’m less like seared tuna and more like bacon… I need to be cooked low and slow. Baths barely helped the cramping and throbbing but not the burning at all. Heating pads helped the burning but made me almost lose control of my bladder.

So I just laid in bed watching the price is right and slept as much as I could to escape the pain. I turned my white noise app on my phone to the shower setting and though it did nothing for me physically, it soothed my mind.

Today I woke up and my pain was at a 9, quickly circling a 10. I got in the shower and instantly took vicodin but sure enough 20 minutes later I had to get out. I was almost in tears as I forced my protesting body out of the shower and into my cold bed. My mom came in and determined we had to do some thing. Next thing I knew my dad had booked me a room at a local hotel. Though I was nauseous from the meds and pain I packed up and headed right over.

So here I sit in the shower with perfect water pressure and all the hot water I could ask for. The room is clean and typical but all I care about is this shower. My body is relaxed and relieved for the first time in 10 days. I’ll be here until noon tomorrow then my Mom will pick me up and we’ll head to Seattle to see my doctor. I hope she has some answers but I’m not getting my hopes too high.

I’m excited about this new adventure, living on a farm a block away from a fruit stand, western wear store, and animal auction house. I love that we can walk down the driveway to feed a horse some apples. It’s awesome laying in my big king size bed watching TV with the fire roaring in the fireplace even when I’m in misery. I like living just minutes from a little town with a hardware store, candy shop, and family run restaurants.

On a walk to feed our neighbors horse. 

View from our bedroom!

My Mom just called, it sounds like I’ll have my new water heater by Friday at the latest… it’s the price of a fairly decent used car but I need it. I need a shower with hours of hot water. Like a blind man needs his cane. Like an amputee needs his prosthetic leg. Like some one who can’t walk needs a wheelchair. Like a diabetic needs their insulin and needles. I have interstitial cystitis and I need a shower.