Hey readers! I have been missing you all so
much! I have started 3 blogs but for some reason half way through I decide they
just don’t have the right feel. You my brilliant, suffering IC sisters need
more than me droning on about my surgery update my IC diet progress, or a
dining out induced flare. You need encouragement and motivation!
So I will just quickly summarize first. Surgery went well- lots
of endometriosis and ovary stuck to wall. Recovery went well too and now all
the cramps are gone! I have been sticking to the IC diet exclusively and have
been feeling pretty great. My Dad was in the hospital for 4 days with heart
problems. He’s home now and doing much better. We had a busy, stressful weekend
and ended up eating out several times and now I’m in a bad flare!
Seriously, I am suddenly in a deep hole of a flare with no
ladder, no rope, and no sense of how long I'll be stuck here. I am having
severe pain that never dips below a 7 unless I’m in the peak of the drug cycle.
I’m having frequency that’s having me going pee every hour or so and I’m even
waking up several times in the night to pee. Of course then it’s nearly
impossible to fall back to sleep because it hurts so badly. My urgency is
intense too. If I don’t go immediately when I need to I lose completely control
of my bladder and empty it then and there wherever I am. I have peed in the
car, on the couch, in bed, on the kitchen chair, ect, ect. I've ditched pants all
together to avoid having buckets of soggy, pee drenches pants to be washed. My new
uniform is any long t-shirt (my favorites are my hubby’s well worn and snuggly
ones) and a fetching pink robe. It’s not too atrocious looking…
At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself.
So I am taking narcotics around the clock and spending lots of
time sleeping off the meds and the pain or in the shower. So that leaves my
handsome 18 month old son, mommy-less, which brings me to the title of this
blog.
Pretty much every blog I mention my son, Titus, how could I not?
He's the most brilliant, adorable human God ever created! (Perhaps some bias
involved in that statement...)
Anyway, I struggle with feeling like I'm not good enough for
him. God gave this perfect child to such an imperfect Mom but then I remember
that God knows me well and he is a good God, so he gave me what I could handle!
SO! God gifted me a perfect angel baby! Don’t get me wrong… he’ll fling himself
to the ground when he doesn’t get to play with the cheese grater but he does it
cautiously and after handing over the weapon.
Yesterday while laying in bed after a drug induced nap I heard
Titus giggling and then I heard the deep soothing cadence of my Grandpa's voice
as he read to his Great-Grandson a Thomas the Train book. In spite of my pain
and drug soggy brain I smiled as I realized...
Titus isn't missing out when I’m flared. On the contrary, he's
the luckiest boy ever. Not only does he get to spend lots of down time with his
mommy who adores him and his daddy who loves to play with him. He gets to hang
out with his Grandma and Poppa who think he's literally made of gold and should
be cherished as such. Also his Great Grandparents who love him maybe even more
than his Mommy (probably not though… they like me a lot, I’m the baby heh heh)!
Plus my sister, Jeny comes over and helps with him a lot and shows him how to
do naughty, silly things like puppy kisses (basically licking people,
ew.) If that's not enough he has more aunties and uncles, cousins and
second cousins, and two other sets of Grandparents that are always happy
to spend time with him!
At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself…
Sometimes I feel guilty that the time spent with me is usually
low key. Playing blocks, driving cars, even watching cartoons on occasion but
you know what that means?!? He's so snugly with me! He is more lovey with me
than anyone else, he can barely help it! He wraps his chubby arms around my
neck and squeezes so hard and he showers me in a variety of kisses including
Eskimo, butterfly, good old smooches and of course puppy kisses (thank you Jeny).
Granted, sometimes his overwhelming love is uncontainable and all he can do is take
a small bite of his momma! Truth be told… the words “I just want to gobble him
up” have slipped out many times so maybe it’s just pay back?
I guess it doesn't literally take a village to raise kids in our
culture and time but I think a child that is lucky enough to be raised by many
generations and relations is a blessed child indeed! He will be shaped and
molded by many! He will have different perspectives, learn things I don't know,
do things I don't do, and become his own unique blend of all these adoring
family members.
Maybe he'll have his Dads knack for knowing random facts, his
Grandma's pure compassionate heart, his Poppa's teasing nature, his Great
Grandparent's wisdom, his uncle Jared's quick wit... Ect, ect! If he took something
from each of these people that love him and will guide him throughout his life,
he will surely be a great man.
At least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself…
But seriously... Give yourself a break my IC sisters! We live
with debilitating pain and symptoms every day! I guarantee there are people in
each of our lives that love us and think we're marvelous, who would be honored
to help us! Whether it is by watching your kids for you, making you some
dinner, or even just letting you vent to them. Let them help and let your
children be blessed by experiencing new things with other people that love
them! Do it for your family members who feel useless to help your pain, do it
for your kids, and mostly do it for yourselves.
These people are here for us to ease our burdens. We aren't
meant to do it on our own and truth be told with IC, we can't do it on our own
whether we like it or not.
On that note thank you so much to all my loved ones who have
taken Titus and me under their wings. I am so happy that I have so many people
in my life that I trust to teach, guide, take care of, and play with Titus. I
will admit, it can be hard to miss out on things and not have the opportunity
to experience every tiny thing he does but I am so happy these people that love
him are getting to experience with him! Not only are we lucky that they can
help but I like to think that they are lucky to spend time with my brilliant
and entertaining little critter.
At least that what I’m going to keep telling myself…
SIDE NOTE: I started a new facebook group for people trying to live the IC Friendly Lifestyle! I have already learned some great tips and recipes on there, please come join us! https://www.facebook.com/groups/iclife/
SIDE NOTE: I started a new facebook group for people trying to live the IC Friendly Lifestyle! I have already learned some great tips and recipes on there, please come join us! https://www.facebook.com/groups/iclife/
