I'm back!

Hello readers!!! Oh how I've missed you guys!!! I can't believe it's been a year since my last blog... I guess it doesn't feel like that because I never stopped writing blogs, I just haven't posted them... So maybe that's not a blog post so much as a diary entry? 

I stopped posting them because I felt like I was becoming a poster child for radical cystectomies for Interstitial Cystitis. These beautiful women who were overwhelmed by suffering and desperate for relief saw this as a possible way out! Whether they were just diagnosed or old timers, the idea of getting rid of the organ that tortured them every moment of every day was very appealing! 

However, being someone who's choice was taken from them and was forced to have this incredibly major and life changing surgery I can't stand the thought of anyone doing this simply in the hope that it will alleviate symptoms, especially after any misleading encouragement from me!

Also, I felt like I didn't belong now that I technically didn't have IC or a bladder anymore. I didn't think I could gain from or give to the other IC'ers anymore... 

So I thought I should just stop sharing my story... I retired the blog and left the IC community. Unfortunately I didn't know at the time that my story was about to get way more interesting and probably would have been very eye opening to those that thought having a RC was an easy way out.

Well now here I am... A year after abandoning my post, 16 months after having my bladder removed, 13 years after being diagnosed with IC and I still miss my community. I miss the unfortunate bonding over similar miseries, the dark humor that no one else gets, the  advice given and received, the drama (who doesn't like to sit back and watch some juicy drama you're not involved in?) and most of all the friendships that were built out of pain but flourished into beautiful connections that far exceeded our physical despair. 

Also, practically every day I feel an undeniable pull on my heart towards this blog. When I pray and ask for direction in this crazy, unusual life of mine God brings this blog to my mind every time. He continues to push me towards it... I don't know why this is what He wants from me but after months of unsuccessfully trying to convince Him to maybe choose a new avenue for me, I finally gave in. Thankfully it didn't take me getting swallowed by a giant fish to finally comply... 

So. I'm back. 

I'm here to share my journey. I know it's different than most of my IC readers and I still don't want to scare the freshly diagnosed but unfortunately radical cystectomies and urostomies are very real possible outcomes for people with untreatable, end stage IC. 

 My dear blog still receive daily views and comments, reaching almost 60,000 total views but I had closed myself off from it. I disassociated with it because for some reason it just brought such strong feelings of grief and loss.

Except that when I started this blog 2 1/2 years ago I said if I helped just one person by sharing my journey it would be worth all the transparency and heart I poured into it. I forgot about that.... 

So, I'm choosing to reinstate the declaration I originally made and once again open my life to my readers in the hopes of encouraging or positively influencing just one person. 

In the coming days I will give some brief recaps on all that has happened in the last year... Although if you've read any previous blogs you know I don't do "brief" real well and I have a LOT to share... So I will post some updates of undetermined lengths... 

Thank you for hopping aboard and joining me on this snarky, overly detailed, highly dramatic, sappy, brutally honest and real journey of my life "after IC". I hope you can see my heart and accept me back as I am.