Opti-freaking-mistic

Tomato juice

Fruit punch

Strawberry lemonade

Tequila sunrise

Capris Sun

I'm not making a drink menu for a diverse party... I'm just describing my pee over the last 48 hours. 

The picture below is not meant for shock value... just a tad bit of validation. 

This wasn't even as dark and thick as it was when I first woke up... Remember, no pity, just validation...

It’s been a hard couple weeks guys... 

I don’t really have it in me to type it all but to summarize... I’ve been to the ER four times, I spent five days admitted to the hospital, they found a blood clot, blood infection and my pee looked like variation of the aforementioned beverages. I am achey, nauseous and have an on again/ off again fever. 

I’m currently curled into a corner of the bath willing the shivering to let up and praying without any actual pleas or even suggestions. 

No one knows what’s causing all this so they are just patching up the holes in the boat as they spring up. 

I see the worry in my moms and husbands eyes so I try to think positive and declare that everything will be fine even though I feel my own fear welling up. 

I’m sorry this is so vague and patchy but it’s all I can do right now and yet I’m compelled to share this on my blog and with my dear readers. 

I know I preach about listening to your bodies but sometimes it seems like mine is speaking Dutch and I truly don’t even know where they speak Dutch... 

I know you’ve all been here. Forcing yourself to be opti-freaking-mistic and taking each day as they come while just posting your arms on the pillars to keep the house from crumbling around you... 

One last thing I think you guys can likely relate to... I have an idea of what could be wrong but I’m so scared of them thinking I’m just paranoid or that I'm playing Dr. Webmd that I’m hesitating to say anything... I don’t even know which doctors are truly on my team or what position they play anymore. 

What a difference two weeks makes... 

Two weeks ago my boys and I went on a little over-nighter to the Ocean... It was bliss. 

Fevered and exhausted. 

(P.S. It feels so good to be writing to all of you again, as soon as I'm feeling better I think I might get back in the swing of things! Thanks for being so loyal and supportive of the ebb and flow of my posts and health...)