My last blog was titled
"Terrified", just a few days ago I truly was terrified. But then my
amazing family and friends rallied around me and just prayed for me.
They
prayed so hard and I think they must have had total faith that He can do the
things we're asking of him because now I have a total sense of peace that can't
be described any other way or be wrongly credited if someone tried. This
afternoon I almost lost my mind from all the stress, fear, unknown, and general
pain that is coming up but then suddenly, a couples hours ago, I felt a sense
of peace that could only come from God who is answering so many prayers for me
as I type this.
I am overwhelmed by the
number of e-mails, messages, texts, and calls from so many people, some I
barely even know, telling me that they are praying for me as I go into this
massive, life changing surgery in 8 hours. I hate that I have to go through
this… I want to just drive to Canada… I think you have immunity in Canada… Or
maybe it doesn’t work like that…
But if I have to go through it then I am so so
blessed to be able to go through it with my amazing support system! I couldn’t
do any day without them much less days like tomorrow that are major and heavy.
So I just wanted to once
again say thank you to my wonderful family who is here for me every single day,
who will come and visit me at the hospital, who will take care of Titus while
I’m in the hospital and the months of recovery after that. Thank you for your
love, support, care and prayers!!
After all that I have
been through the last 15 years I truly never thought it would come to this… It
feels like just the other day I was just 12 years old, tied to a tree with
water ski rope begging my Mom not to take me to the doctor even though I was in
so much pain and now I’m wishing for a giant tree, some rope, and a mischievous
sister that would happily tie me up with the convenient excuse that I asked her
to…
I am really doing this
surgery to better my future life, my relationship with my husband, my
parenting, my position in my family, my blooming friendships, and so much more
but I am dedicating this surgery to the sweet, innocent girl that had so much
pain but didn’t even know the correct anatomy enough to know what was hurting
much less a way to describe it. That positive optimism that she created at such
a young, immature age has pushed me through so much. (Though mature in coping
later with the diagnoses... the maturity in a lot of ways still haven't changed
from age 12...)
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I’m tired and we have to
leave for the hospital in 5 hours (we have to check in at 5:45 IN THE MORNING,
I didn’t even know they made a 5:45 in the morning…) so I think that’s all I am
going to say for now… I know, shocking…
Please pray for me. For
my surgery to go perfectly, for me to get a perfect stoma, for post-op to be easy, to get awesome nurses and care, for the ability to keep my
nausea and vomiting in check, for Titus to have a good week and not feel too
hectic, for the whole medical team that will be working with me for the next
few weeks, for my at-home support and care team of my husband and my mom, and
so on and so on…
My bladder and urethra have been my
greatest enemy for so long that I have no remorse when I say... "At dawn,
you die you useless old sack!" So I'm ready... Come on... Let's do this
thing!!!! See ya on the flip side everybody!!
My dear granddaughter-in-law, Deni:
ReplyDeleteEven though you are many miles away from us, you are in our prayers today and the days and weeks to come. I pray the Lord will guide the surgeons hands, give wisdom to the nurses, patience to the care givers when you go home and extra love and peace to Zach and Titus. Nothing is more unsettling and nervous to a husband than to have his wife in surgery. Grandpa has been down that road with me many times in our 30 year marriage. But, God is there with you and for you. Reach out to Him when it gets to be too much and let Him wrap His loving arms around you for the comfort that He brings. I am so glad you have believers around you that know how to get a hold of God and pray with you and for you. Those are the best friends and relatives that a person can have. I pray for the pain to go away, the surgery to be complete and successful, for your life to become normal in every since and that you will know that it was God who was in the surgical room guiding the hands of those who operated on you. To God be the glory for all the good and completeness in your body. You have a beautiful smile and when this is all over it will be a happy smile. God Bless you and grant you peace and no pain in your body. Our love and prayers, Grandma and Grandpa Abear.