A puddle... of piddle...

Don't be alarmed... this is not urine... just a  picture I took of a regular, run of the mill rain puddle! 

Sitting, standing. Inside, outside. Laughing, silent. At home, in public. Washing dishes, giving Titus a bath, riding in the car… my bladder isn’t too picky. I lose control of my bladder and empty it then and there under any circumstance.

To make matters worse, the high pressured stream of urine that escapes from my bladders inadequate security system burns the whole way down.

I have two options. Try to tense my feeble muscles to stop the flow… which then causes so much pain from the quivering weak muscles holding back the flood and the fact that I still need to release the urine. Or just try to relax and breathe while the puddle of pee gets deeper by the second.

Depending on the situation I prefer to choose option 2… although it makes a huge nasty mess and is really embarrassing, the pain is less blinding. No matter which method I choose it is so frustrating.

Whatever I’m up to when suddenly the flood gates open I have to stop immediately. Depending on who’s around I some times strip right there and leave the mess for some one to clean up. Other times I waddle up the stairs in my drenched clothes where I strip and leave my pee soaked pants in the sink.

The worst times have been in the car… I never go to the bathroom away from the house unless it’s absolutely necessary (read my public restroom blog to find out more). Often times I wait too long and I find myself in a splashing pond spilling over the leather seat. (Oh great… I’m never going to get a ride any where, ever again!) In this case I do my best to stop the pee but I usually continue going tiny bits the whole way home. I have started keeping an extra pair of pants in my car for any public accidents but that doesn’t help the pain issue.

As soon as I can I get in the shower to rinse the poisonous urine off of me and to try to ease the pain. Most post-incontinence episodes include hours in the shower and usually my succumbing to taking pain medicine.

My incontinence has gotten so out of control that I have been having major accidents like 3-5 times a week. I have been strategically leaving the house after my bladder is as empty as can be and then trying to get home before I need to empty it again.

While at my urologist I mentioned this new amplified version of my usual symptom and she agreed that was not a way to live.

So tomorrow I am going to the hospital, being put under general anesthesia, having a scope voyage up my urethra, and then having my bladder injected 20- 30 times with Botox.If I understand it correctly… it is suppose to relax the muscles to stop the spasms and general disobedience. The only concern is that it may cause more retention which would force me to self cath (yes that means what you think it does… put a catheter in by myself every time I have to go to the bathroom to drain my bladder).

It would be so grand if this helped! I’m told it can be effective any where from 6 to 20 months. Also, it can be repeated as frequently as every 6 months.... if it helps!

So, I am praying my guts out that it will control my bladder muscles enough to hold the urine in BUT be able to relax enough to release the urine at the appropriate times, specifically when I tell it to.

I have heard it takes about a week to notice any difference so be expecting a follow up Botox blog! Thanks for reading and all of your continued prayers.