"Can't get much worse than this"... Insert rain cloud overhead.

How do you wrap up 3 of the most… I don’t even know the word… wonky? days in a row I have experienced in all my 25 years and 9 months of life? Really while I was in it, it didn’t feel like much different than my normal life but now sitting here trying to condense it to one little (okay after reading this over, it turned out really long... sorry!) interesting blog it feels pretty intense... 

Anyway…

Sunday afternoon I had an epiphany. The only thing that has ever really helped my IC is my bilateral (two) interstims. I have had a total of 12 surgeries just on them but the reason why I have put myself through that many is because they do work, when they work! The only time in the 12 years that I have had IC when the pain was under control was when my interstims were working correctly. So I keep trying. I keep hoping that we will achieve the success that we once accomplished with them. Well, I decided to give them one more try, I would call my doctor first thing Monday morning and ask if she would operate on them one more time. I have had them off for 6 months due to lots of “wire migration” and a broken lead on one. I basically had two broken down cars sitting on my lawn. It was time to either fix them or get them towed away!

That evening I started having really bad cramps. All I could do was curl up in a ball with my heating pad. I have been trying to cut back on my narcotics usage so I took some Tylenol PM and hoped a good night’s rest would help and I would wake up back to ”normal”.

Monday morning the pain had nothing but worsened. Yet still my first thought was to call my urologists office about fixing my interstims. I left a message for the nurse and then focused on the weird cramping I was feeling. The random thought kept whirling around in my head... Could I be pregnant? I was late getting my depo-provera shot... Then I started thinking about all the things I had done to this potential baby. Taken several Valium suppositories, pain meds almost daily, and the actual shot! The thoughts were flitting in and out of my mind as my cramps worsened.

The idea of taking pain meds was tempting but every time I held the bottle in my hand I thought but, what if! What if I'm that 1% that gets pregnant on birth control? These cramps felt exactly like the ones I had when I found out I was pregnant with my now 16 month old, Titus! 

So despite the pain I threw on some semi matching, slightly ill fitting (thanks to the dang amitriptyline, I gained 15 lbs in one month. I am so glad I’m done with that junk!) clothes and drove to the pharmacy. I almost got in 3 fairly major car accidents as the pain and emotions distracted me, making my already sketchy driving skills worse. Shaking with nerves and pain I bought a test then drove back in a fog of what ifs. 

At home I forced out a few drips of protesting urine and waited.

Negative. 

I didn't know what to feel. I wasn't surprised by the results but I was surprised by the sadness that enveloped me. We aren't ready for another baby, my pain makes it hard enough to take care of the precious one we already have. Still. There was a tiny glimmer of hope that was squashed faster than it started.

I made myself move past the emotions quickly because I still had the major issue of the excruciating pain I was in. 

Eventually the pain escalated to a 10 and my confused body reacted by vomiting. I knew something was wrong. This was not just my usual IC pain. I asked my mom to take me to the ER and off we went. Dragging a freshly napped and cheerful baby along with! 

When I got to the ER there was lots of talk of appendicitis and my decrepit (freshly padded thank you again amitriptyline) tummy was extra tender to the touch. So the doctor ordered pain meds, fluids, blood work, a urine sample and a ct scan. 

The IV dilaudid worked like a dream and the pain was just a memory as they went about their tests. After about an hour the pain broke through the heavy duty meds. So they doped me up again. Only to hear that everything came back normal and I must surely have some pesky virus! See ya later, don't let the door hit ya!!

I went home with some anti-nausea prescriptions and medicine for cramping that turned out to be an IBS drug? What? 

The IV meds quickly wore off and I was once again sitting in the shower in misery. I popped two Vicodin and waited for sleep. 

Sleep never really came. I curled up with my heating pad all night waiting for the pain to subside. When I did sleep it was full of dreams of the house catching on fire from my heating pad and becoming The Next Food Network Star! (I had a very interesting show, first I did episodes on pregnancy cravings, then baby food, and of course yummy, healthy kid food!  My dream self is a creative genius!) 

When I finally opened my eyes to the adorable babbling of my kiddo over the monitor I was rejoicing that it was actually time to wake up until I realized the cramps were still as present as ever! 

After desperately calling my mom to retrieve Titus, I called my faithful and amazing ob/gyn. Once upon a time he plucked me from my mother’s very womb and then diagnosed me with endometriosis at the tender age of 13! He has been with me through it all and in a circle ending twist, he plucked my son from MY very womb! 

Anyway, I got an appointment with him that afternoon. So I had several hours to kill until it was time to leave. I laid around with my heating pad hoping for a reprieve from the pain when the nurse from my urologists office finally called back saying that my doctor had agreed it was time to fix the interstims and to expect a call from the surgery scheduler. I felt a little encouraged that we were at least going to be taking a step forward with the IC side of things.

My mom was happily willing to drive me to the doctor but she had a few errands to do on our way. The pain and nausea decided to pile in and join us on our ride. The pain was so intense I had sweat beading on my forehead and I rolled the window down despite the rainy, 40 degree Seattle weather.

After my Mom’s checklist was complete we headed for the doctor’s office. I was taken right back with hardly a moment of waiting. My loving, albeit older, Pierce Brodson look alike doctor came in with a genuine sympathetic smile. It was never good news when I was there. We chatted about the pain and he surmised it was probably my endometriosis back with a vengeance.

His conclusion was that he really needed to go in there and see what's going on. It has been 4 years since my last laparoscopy so it seemed like a good idea to me too. It’s just an outpatient surgery with three tiny incisions, they use a scope to look at my uterus and ovaries then laser off any endometriosis growth. OF COURSE my luck continued and he is booked next week and out of town the next so it is scheduled for February 27^th, 3 weeks away. He did prescribe me some dilaudid and said to just try to hang in there until we can get this beast under control.

Today I woke up with the cramping still pretty intense and my usual IC pain pitching a fit that it was being forced to take a back seat. I took dilaudid first thing this morning and have been loafing around watching old “Friends” episodes with my reliable heating pad. Then my urologists office called and scheduled the interstim surgery for March 18^th.

Sorry to have such a long and dreary blog… sometimes my life is such. Although this might be a hard several weeks ahead I am hopeful that the surgeries will lead to some answers and mostly, some well needed relief!

 To end this on a happy note I must share with my lovely readers a little story about my adorable son! One of his favorite things is to get in the shower with me. We have lots of toys and even books in there, we blow bubbles, brush our teeth, play with squirt guns. It’s so much fun for both of us, and a happy break for me! For some reason he likes to straddle my tummy and sit facing me as we enjoy our shower time fun but with these new cramps his almost 30 lbs of pure, sweet baby on my tender tummy is pretty painful. So this evening while he drummed on the shampoo with my toothbrush, I laid my head back and closed my eyes, just trying to get through the pain. When I opened my eyes he had his tiny pointer finger up to his pursed lips saying “shhhhh”! I died. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. I try not to show him my pain but even in the midst of it he makes me laugh and feel overflowing love. Here is a picture I took of him this morning just so you can get a glimpse of my treasure!

Hope we all can enjoy the little things in life among the physical and emotional aches of this horrifying disease! Love and daily prayers to you all!