The Cactus Doctor

In doing research for my last blog I started typing cactus into google and as overly helpful as it wants to be it gives suggestions of what I might be typing. While usually annoying sometimes it is helpful and other times it’s hilarious! This time it was led to a hilarious (to my easily entertained self) revelation. 

I typed cactus and Cactus Doctor popped up! I clicked on the website because let’s be honest... the human doctors don’t have any ideas how to help me.

The services summary described pretty much what I had imagined “The Cactus Doctor is a cacti horticulture company specializing in all varieties of cacti. Keeping your cactus alive and healthy is his passion. Whether your cactus is sick, looks unhealthy, needs pruning, surgery or transplanting give The Cactus Doctor a call and we will schedule a house call or phone consultation. The Cactus Doctor wants all of your cacti to be healthy and beautiful.” 

Perfect. I wonder if I called and said “oh why yes, hello. My name is Deni and well the cactus is my spirit plant. I find myself really sick and looking unhealthy sooo could I schedule a house call and see if you can fix me up? What’s that? You only work with literal cactus? Well. I guess I understand that a metaphorical cactus isn’t quite the same... yes, I have sought professional help... no not psychiatric help. Well fine. No need to be rude. Good day to you sir!” 

Since I value the perception of my sanity I think I won’t go to the trouble of finding out how that conversation would go in real life. 

Anyway! I was just contemplating what a difference a good doctor makes. I actually don’t mean an especially wise doctor or one with an impressive Ivy League education. I mean kind and empathetic. I don’t care if they graduated from the same school the cactus doctor did or Harvard, if they look at me in the eye and truly listen to me with their heart and brain they are golden in my book. 

Today I had my nephrology appointment (after God once again moved giant mountains and moved my appointed up 3 whole weeks!) and he was a old fashioned good doctor! What a difference it made! He listened and heard me. He realized how much the pain and illness is stealing from me. He searched the depths of his brain for an idea because he saw the tears threatening to spill out of my eyes as I told him no one knew what to do to help me and I left my home and my family in search of answers only to be in exactly the same place I was when I got here. 

He said I was rare, unique, uncommon, and even exceptional (obviously). He marveled at the multiple negative tests, complicated urine and pathology results, and my symptoms. He asked lots of questions and we joked back and forth. 

He sighed then said “ordering a kidney biopsy for this is rather unconventional but I think you’re at the end of your rope and it would be worth while to see the results.” 

He also paged the urologist to try to get some answers from them because they supposedly had their conference about me today and I haven’t heard a peep from them. Then he ordered my biopsy to be on Thursday and told me I should go home on Saturday. 

After I got back to the hotel and snuggled in the luxurious bed I checked my Mayo app to find his notes from the visit and was pleasantly surprised! While it was full of unrecognizable medical jargon it also had phrases like “Ms. Jovanovich is a very nice 31 year old...” and “this unfortunate mother has been plagued by chronic pain since she was 14”. These simple little nuggets amongst the heavy facts he described brought tears to my eyes. He saw me as a person. As a nice yet “unfortunate” mom! I’m not just “a briefcase in the form of a body that is carrying around their baffling medical case” like I keep saying! I’m a mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, niece, cousin, friend. 

(I also have to tell you that in my chart it also says “rodents in house- yes” it’s in reference to Titus’ pet guinea pigs but it definitely sounds like we have a mouse infestation but instead of treating the problem we’ve just embraced them, dressed them in tiny shirts and named them Jaq and Gus Gus...) 

My quality of life is what’s at stake here! I acknowledge I can’t die from this like a lot of their patients could but in some ways the absence of hope of healing is just another kind of death. 

So, although I don’t have a single new answer or treatment plan, today I got valued by a doctor and it meant so much to me! He saw that investing his time and resources in me was worthwhile! 

My kidney biopsy is on Thursday. I don’t really know what to expect for the actual procedure except they will numb the skin then stick a big needle into my back and sneak a chuck of my kidney out. Then they will run it through the gamete of tests! They will specifically be looking for the eosinophil cells that are always in whatever urinary system I have and they will check on the kidneys general welfare. 

I feel slightly encouraged and I’m excited to get the results! Either way it will answer the question of whether my issues start at the kidneys or somewhere after. 

I’m hoping I can take the exhaustive elimination process I’ve done down here back up to my doctor and they can hatch some kind of next step... but first I have to get through this week and get home. 

Today we were driving to the appointment and I saw a row of cacti with support beams holding them up. I’m assuming they were newly planted and these beams stay in place until their tiny roots take hold of their new ground but it was the exact picture of me. Me, the cactus, and you ,my beloved family and friends, the beams holding me up. I know I’ve said it a million times but I need you to understand how much I mean this... I COULD NOT do this without you guys. I’m so greatly blessed to have you all out under the sun, holding up my weight (which, thanks to prednisone, is almost 15lbs more than it was 2 months ago...) and just standing with me. What a gift you dear beams are to this cactus.