Do you see what IC?

Christmas is a time to celebrate our God and King who came to Earth in the form of a baby! We celebrate in crazy ways but that's what it's all about! The tree, the trimmings, the lights, the gifts, the Yule log, the fancy appetizers, the ugly sweaters, and candy canes... It's all about Jesus and hopefully you don't have to dig too deep through your bins of Christmas decorations to find him! (Not literally because sometimes you lose your baby Jesus from your nativity and that's totally ok... Well I hope so anyway cuz our precious moments Mary is babyless...)

When my sister and I were teenagers and I was newly diagnosed with interstitial cystitis my dad called a family meeting telling us he had a plan to keep us focused on the true meaning of Christmas. He wrote CTPCOA (pronounced ceptacoa don't ask me why) on a big piece of paper and informed us we were now the Committee to Plan Christmas Oriented Affairs.

We would be doing a Christmas related event every day from the 1st-25th. We did crafts, skits, baking, decorating, shopping, light looking, and so much more! He gave us all numbers that we would go by (to make things less confusing... Sure.) that he picked from his favorite football players... I'm fairly certain my number was OJ Simpsons... (My Dad is a devout USC Trojan fan… he’s not obsessed with accused murderer celebrities or anything)

Anyway! That tradition has continued now for over 10 years! It's shifted a bit each year as our family grows and changes but every year during this time we break out our official CTPCOA sweatshirts with our numbers on the back and set out to make each year the best one yet!

I would say each year is special in different ways but this year feels extra special! My sissy finally moved home from that unfestive state of California (sorry Californians but it's just weird to see Santa in sunglasses and inflatable snowmen by a palm tree) and Titus is at an age where he is starting to get into the wonder and magic of the season!

See? My sweet little elf! 

So since the day before Thanksgiving I have been in holly jolly mode! No time for IC, my chronic nausea and vomiting, or for my grief filled heart over the last few months.

I have pushed through it all, blaring the Christmas carols to drown out my emotional turmoil and anxiety. I push my body harder during this time than any other month of the year.

We've already been to parties, shopping, baked and decorated dozens of cookies, did a fun Christmas craft, chopped down our tree and have it glistening trunk to angel, garland and lights are draped over any available surface, and we've watched several Christmas movies snuggled up by the fire.

(I have to add quickly that this past weekend was my husbands company Christmas party which was sooo much fun! Delicious food, fun dancing, karaoke, and so much laughter with good friends! Then Zach's best friend got us a room at the hotel and we got to spend the night and make a weekend of it! It was so nice having zero timeline or pressure and just spending time with my dear husband who does so much for me! Here is a pic of us right before the Party. I'm so lucky I get to spend every Christmas and my life with this man!) 

ANYWAY, it's only the 11th and my heart is full. Watching my son experience Christmas has been the very best gift. Titus is only 2 so he can't really remember the other two Christmases he's had. It's all new and wonderful to him. The lights, the movies, the cookies, Santa and of course... baby Jesus (that he pronounces "baby Cheesus" by the way.) Don't you wish you had wonder and faith like a child? I do. I wish I could see it all through new eyes. I wish I asked everyone around me to pray all day long just for fun like he does. I wish I read several books a day about Christmas in its purest and most magical forms. I wish I didn’t have any expectations of presents or events so I could just enjoy things as they come! But the wonderful thing about having a child is getting to do all those things with him! Can you even imagine his glee of going to the Christmas Eve candlelight church service or his wonder of waking up Christmas morning only to find that magically presents appeared and cookies disappeared? I’m so glad we're only half way done with this advent time, each day is a treasure more precious than any gift that could be perfectly wrapped under the tree.

The problem is my body gets angry when I ignore it, when I make my bladder wait until the pee is stretching the damaged lining further by the minute. My Scrooge body doesn't seem to care about all the wonder and festivity of this season. I know I'm asking my cranky, diseased body for a lot... I’m going from my general rule of two rest days for every busy day to constant celebration and jubilation. Also, it's past time for my Botox/ hydrodistention treatment but I put it off until December 30th so I wouldn't miss a single day of this magical, beautiful time of year! However my bladder apparently didn't get the memo... It's shrinking and relaxing more every day plus I wouldn't be surprised if that sad lining is dotted with ulcers yet again.

A few days ago the pain showed up with a vengeance and yesterday I lost total control of my bladder twice. Nooo, not now bladder! Please! I have so much I want to do still... We're going to see a cow dressed like a reindeer, a hors d'oeuvres party, a gift exchange with my whole family, more crafts, more celebrations with my husband’s side of the family, looking at lights, an ugly sweater party, the rest of the shopping, oh and all the wrapping!! 

But. Such is life. I'll take what I can get and enjoy every moment of release from pain prison and do as much as I can then but I'll also try to keep the spirit alive even when my health disappoints us all. 

I would rather disappoint myself a 100 times than any member of my family once but it is part of the deal... I'm sorry beloved family members. I'd do most anything to not disappoint you. It's not me. It's my body. I hope they love me and hate my body, hate IC, hate chronic nausea and vomiting, hate endometriosis.

Anyway, I'm going to keep moving on from one day to the next. Doing what I can. Even if that's just snuggling with Titus and my heating pad in front of the tree watching the Christmas episodes of Mickey and Pooh!

Actually if that’s all I got to do all season I would be content.

So Merry Christmas dear readers! Whether you're a family member or friend who just loves me and wants to read my ramblings, a fellow IC sufferer, a support to someone with IC, or someone creepily stalking me... Merry Christmas! I hope you all have joy, magic and JESUS this Christmas!

Merry Christmas from the Jovanovich members of CTPCOA!!! 

By the way, I am planning on writing two hopefully helpful blogs for my fellow IC sufferers very soon so please bear with me as I write these kinds of non-consequential blogs! One is coming about Botox and one about my interstims that will be finally leaving my body after 10 years! Hope your bladders are happy and healthy this Christmas! 

Oh wait, one more thing... This is my 50th blog! I am kind of known for quitting everything... (Rude, I know! Just unimportant things like preschool, soccer, and violin.) So I am super proud of myself and this blog but more than that I'm really thankful for the support and encouragement from my readers all over the world!! Okay I swear I'm done writing now... Merry Christmas!!!