You blink...

In the past 25 years of my life people have always told me how fast time goes and I honestly didn’t believe them. I felt every year to its fullest and was always ready for a new year to come.

Suddenly I am sitting here and like a punch to the stomach I realize I am 25, a wife, and I am the mom of an almost 1 year old. It has gone so fast.

This year has been one of the hardest in my 25. It had so many blessings and joys but also some of the most devastating and seemingly impossible moments. So of course I start sobbing as I realize how fast it’s going and how my little baby is going to be off to college before I know it. (Ask any parent, that’s what they all say!)

As I reflect on the last year and the many hardships I feel like it was never THAT bad. I mean it was definitely hard having three surgeries, several infections, sicknesses, and IC while having an infant but I hardly remember those. I remember falling asleep holding this tiny baby that came out of the very body that betrays me every single day but gave me the best gift I could have ever imagined. I remember the excitement of him lifting his head, rolling over, crawling, and saying mama. I remember the pride as I watched him make people smile. I remember the love I felt as I watched my husband become Titus’ perfect Dad.

All I want to say is, I know it is hard right now. We struggle with IC every day. It seems to be the only thing in our lives. BUT, try to enjoy the other things in your life. When the pain is less and you’re not drugged to high heaven, enjoy every moment you can so that when you look back you remember a life that you lived not what you missed and the pain you endured.

It’s going to go so fast. You may be in the exact same place in your IC in a year but other things will change. Some will be gone and new things will blossom. We have to live life outside of our IC, we can’t become our IC. 

I am the Mom of a baby for 8 more days. Then he will be a big 1 year old boy. He will be walking soon and will become his own little toddler self.

My IC is bad right now but as soon as it eases I’m going to get out of the shower and play with my son. We will finish planning his 1^st birthday party and enjoy every moment that we can because this week of celebration will be gone as fast as all the other 51 weeks of his life have.

I usually feel cursed by my IC but today I feel blessed by every thing else, especially by this special, healthy, happy baby that is turning into a lovable, friendly, attention seeking, hilarious little boy.